Verbal Abuse: Yes, It Is Still Abuse

Verbal abuse is another form of abuse. It is surprising that the number of people do not think there is such a thing as verbal abuse. Some people do not realize when they are yelling and screaming and calling people names, they are abusing this person.

No one deserves to be told they are stupid or ugly or they do not know how to do anything. This is used far too many times a day. When does this cross the line and start to be a problem?

The first time someone does anything that belittles you or threatens you, it is abuse. There is not an excuse for this behavior even though often times the victim (and yes, you are a victim if you are being treated this way) will try to make excuses.

They may say they didn't do something the way their spouse wanted it done or the person is just tired, they had a long day, they have had a lot on their mind lately; there are a million excuses. But there is not room for excuses when mistreating someone.

Even if you do not think it is abuse, ask yourself these questions:

  1. Does your partner make you feel that you cannot do anything right?
  2. Does your partner tell you what to do all the time?
  3. Does your partner tell you that you are stupid, worthless, and ignorant, that no one else would put up with you or is everything that happens your fault?
  4. Does your partner threaten you with bodily harm?
  5. Do you feel as though you are walking on eggshells when your partner is home, afraid that something will set him/her off?
  6. Does your partner try to keep you from being around your family or friends?
  7. Manipulation is a form of abuse. When someone succeeds in making their partner lose all self-esteem, they have what they want - control.

    After years of being told that everything you do is wrong, you will need help to build your self-confidence back to the point where you can see that your relationship with your partner is not healty.

    A healthy relationship will have disagreements, but they will not be one-sided or meant to make someone feel as if they are worthless. Being able to state your side of any argument is vital to getting the feelings out and communicating with each other.

    If you are experiencing any of the treatment described above, put an end to the cycle right away. One way to change the communication cycle is to tell your partner that you will not be talked to that way anymore. Abuse in any form should not be tolerated.

    If your safety is in danger, call 911 immediately. Your local agencies specialized in domestic violence will be able to provide resources.

    Click here to get a book "The Dance of Anger" to change communication patterns with your partner.

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