NOTICE: St. Cloud office was closed effective June 1st, 2019 due to a move.

Miho Adkins now works at Birch Lake Counseling in Hackensack, MN. Please call at 320-282-1066 to schedule an appointment with Miho. Miho provides online counseling as well to continue to serve clients outside of Hackensack areas.

Please fax a HIPAA compliant release form to request clinical records.

Four County Crisis Response Team (320-253-5555 or 1800-635-8008) for Stearns, Benton, Sherburne, or Wright Counties.

Marriage 101 to Save Your Marriage

Marriage 101 help you guide how to build a stong marriage and save your marriage

Dr. Olson at the University of Minnesota cited in his book, "marriage & Families," a number of issues new couples should avoid in order to build strong families.

The following is a list of 13 problematic issues to be avoided.

  1. The couple meets or marries shortly after a significant loss.
  2. The wish to distance from one's family of origin is a factor in the marriage.

  3. The family backgrounds of each spouse are significantly different.

  4. The spouses come from incompatible sibling constellations.
  5. The couple resides either extremely close to or at a great distance from either family of origin.
  6. The couple is dependent on either extended family financially, physically, or emotionally.
  7. The couple marries before the age of 20.
  8. The couple marries after less than 6 months of knowing each other or more than 3 years of engagement.

  9. The wedding occurs without family or friends present.
  10. The wife becomes pregnant before marriage or within the first year of marriage.
  11. Either spouse considers her or his childhood or adolescence an unhappy time.
  12. Either spouse has a poor relationship with siblings or parents.
  13. Marital patterns in either extended family were unstable.

After you go through the list, what do you think?

Are you upset because your relationship with your partner has several issues that were mentioned in the lists?

"Stop," right there, "breathe."

We all have a baggage in our lives because no one is perfect. I think many issues are workable if we are ready to work through it and ready for the challenges that were brought by our past.

However, many people are not ready for the challenges. We may think that they are "hot buttons" that we would like to hide under the carpet.

That is why you may feel upset by the list.

I think that this list can be a guide for anybody to use as a check up before married. If you checked one or more of the problematic issues, then talk about them with your partner. You can share honest opinions regarding the issues, and make a plan how to resolve the challenges as they arise in the future.

Remember people are not perfect. We will not have a strong marriage and relationship without working on it. Marriage 101 tells you that "You build a strong marriage with your partner."

Getting marriage is not a goal. It is a start for the next phase of your life with your partner.

If you find yourself having any issues listed, you may want ot have Pre-Marriage Counseling

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