NOTICE: St. Cloud office will be closed effective from June 1st, 2019 due to a move. Currently only online counseling clients are accepted.
Office will be closed from May 4th to May 14th, 2019.
Four County Crisis Response Team (320-253-5555 or 1800-635-8008) for Stearns, Benton, Sherburne, or Wright Counties.
Marital Conflicts: Tips For Resolving Marital Problems.
Marital conflicts are not something we can avoid. We all have experienced it. Research shows that both happily married couples and unhappily married couple experience arguments and marital problems. The difference between them is how to handle them.
Every relationship has its ups and downs. However, since marriage partners connect on such a deep level, marriages are more susceptible to problems. While some partners prefer to surrender to their conflicts and separate, many people decide that it is better to work through their marital conflicts and come to a resolution.
Here are the tips for resolving marital conflicts.
- Avoid the attitude.
When you are in the middle of an argument, it is counterproductive to develop a bad attitude. Not only will this cause your partner to get an attitude, but you will both lose focus and fail to resolve the initial problem.
When you start discussing an issue, it is important to lose the attitudes and realize that you're both working to resolve the same problem. Once you remember that you're working toward the same goal, you will be less likely to have a bad attitude.
And keep in mind that pouting and throwing temper tantrums to get your way in your marriage will not solve anything. This is not real problem solving, instead it is manipulation.
- Constantly Communicate.
One of the common causes of arguments is not communicating on a regular basis. When you've been married for a while, you tend to stop truly communicating with your partner. If you make a conscious effort to communicate with your significant other and share your feelings, you will both feel calmer and less frustrated with one another.
However, if you fail to communicate your feelings and concerns on a regular basis, your emotions will be constantly building and eventually come to a boiling point when you least expect it.
- Practice patience.
While it may not seem like it, patience is an essential part of a resolving conflict. Although it is a good idea to handle marital problems as soon as possible, when an argument is very heated, it can sometimes be a good practice to allow one another to take time to calm down.
This allows you both to be able to collect your thoughts and actually have a conversation instead of having a yelling match.
If you don't need to calm down but your partner does, try to avoid forcing them to talk to you immediately. When you pressure someone in an emotionally charged situation, the outcome is rarely positive.
- Cut criticism. When you and your partner are having a discussion, it is best to avoid criticizing one another. When you start picking on each other and pointing out one another's weaknesses, you are hitting below the belt. And instead of actually resolving the issue, you are just stirring the pot and causing a distraction. This is described as the one of Four Horsemen by Dr. Gottman who is a most respected and internationally known couple researcher. According to Dr. Gottman, Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, and Stonewalling (Four Horsemen) are the four components of negative communication patterns that will lead couples to a divorce if they did not receive appropriate interventions to change the negative communication patterns
When you start a discussion, you should both verbally acknowledge that you aren't going to criticize each other's weaknesses. When you focus on teamwork, you will avoid the tug of war that many couples face during arguments.
Remember that it is much easier to work together and resolve a problem.
- Stay Sweet and Validation.
The kinder you and your significant other are to one another, the easier it will be for you to get along together. If you are consistently kind, then you won't have nearly as many arguments, and you won't have as much built up animosity.
If you validate your partner's feelings, your partner will feel respected, important, and valued. These are our basic needs that should be fulfilled. Validation and kindness create more positive energy in your relationship as oppose to criticizing each other, and you will be most likely validated by your partner as well.
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