Living Together Before Marriage

Research shows that living together before marriage is the one of the predictors of getting a divorce in the future if the couples decided to get married after the cohabitation.

My response to the research study is that it is because many young people jump into a relationship and quickly started living together without carefully planning on their future.

Any future planning from careers to buying a house is important, but especially getting married and creating a family together need a good planning. Pros and cons of living together before marriage should be also discussed.

If there are two different individuals trying to live and create a relationship together, there should be conflicts through out the relationship.

Chemistry of love is so strong, you may want to live together right away to spend time with your partner 24/7. Don't let your emotion take over your logical mind.

There are some considerations you may want to think or discuss with your partner, so that you will be able to have a long lasting relationship.

1. Did you find your partner's tooth brush in your bathroom?

Okay before you even discuss whether or not you should move in together, if you find your partner's belongings in your house, don't ignore them. It is the time for discussion. Is this just for a overnight or is s/he pretty much living with you because his/her lease is up?

2. Financial matters.

Are you financially independent? What is the reasons for the cohabitation. Is it because you cannot afford the rent? Did you discuss who is paying mortgage for the house and daily basic needs from foods to shampoo?

If you and your partner had a fight, where can you go? Are you planning on buying a house and new furniture together to live? What if you are separated? How are you going to split the assets?

3. Being a parent

Make sure you have a solid parenthood plan. There are many couples who started living together before marriage, quickly have children, and forced to marry and start a family.

They are not ready for the life style. Having children will change your life, and demand and pressure you will experience will be high.

Are you ready for this. Do you still have a dream that you would like to accomplish before having children and marriage, such as finishing school? Make sure you will discuss this with your partner and make a plan, so when you are ready to getting married and have children, you are more prepared.

4. Are you willing to give you and your partner a space?

What if you started living together, and find out that it was too soon and you could not manage the stress from living together. Are you okay with living separately again and work through your relationship? Do you feel insecure about it? Do you feel that this relationship is over, because you feel you are neglected and rejected?

Being in a relationship or marriage take negotiation and compromise over times. It is no longer "if s/he said this, s/he does not love me any more."

A relationship will need mature discussions. Are your ready for the mature relationship? If you still have a mindset of "if s/he does this, s/he does not love me anymore," you may not be ready for living together.

5. Are you a chronic cohabitator?

Did you live with your ex-partners in the past? Did you tend to live with your partner in the past? You may want to rethink about your pattern of living arrangement with your partner. Why did you always live together with your partner, and why did you break up?

Is there any patterns that are not working for you? You may not want to rush into living together before marriage if there is patterns of chronic cohabitation.

It is great feelings to meet someone you admire and love, but there is so many things you may want to think about before you realize that you are trapped in the uncertain cohabitation situation. It is a process to create a mature relationship with your partner.

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