Divorce Intervention: How to Save My Marriage. One way to stop divorce and repair a relationship.
Divorce is no longer an uncommon practice in the U.S. We are so used to getting a "quick fix," and do not have high tolerance for long-lasting pain we are feeling in our life.
It would be nice if we could push a reset button and all problems would be gone. And we can go back to the old days when we were happier and live in our dream marriage. It may be normal reaction to think about divorce as a choice in our lives. We hope that If this relationship is gone and my spouse is gone, all pain and distress will be gone too.
On the hand, many people feel ambivalence about the choice of divorce. "I do not know what will happen after divorce because I have never been there." "Is our relationship really over? I mean really, is this it?"
Those feelings are very common, and if you have those feelings it is not a bad idea to give divorce intervention a shot.
While Dr. Bill Doherty and Alan Hawkins, well-know family therapists and researchers, said that people expressed a certain amount of regrets after divorce, and at least one spouse in 75% of divorce cases were having serious second thoughts about their decisions to divorce. The number one reason many people gave for divorce is a lack of commitment.
Although there is not only one recipe for a happy marriage, I believe that commitment is the key for keeping marriage. All married couples have experienced good days and bad days. Someone's lawn may look greener, but if you take a close look at it, it is the same. How we are going to work on it and respond to it is important.
Research has found that women tend to see more marital problems in their marriage than men, and their reports are better predictors of divorce than man's.
There's a very funny story about married couples: A wife was asked what their problems are. she said "everything. my husband does not help me with chores, does not care about me, does not care about how he looks, and on and on." The same question was asked to a husband. He goes, "nothing, everything is fine except my wife's nagging."
This story is actuary not far from reality according to recent research. About 30% of women in the Virginia Longitudinal Study of Divorce and Remarriage by Dr. Mavis Hetherington reported that they experienced serious marital problems in the last year while less than 10 % of men reported marital problems. The most common grievance expressed by men was their wives' nagging, whining, and fault-finding.
There are obviously perceptional differences in marriages between men and women. If one spouse is thinking that he is fairly happily married and another spouse is thinking that she is unhappily married, there are needs for improvement in communication and their relationship. All we need is commitment to the marriage so that they can improve their communication and relationship.
If you are thinking about divorce or wanting to end your marriage, it may not be too late to give divorce intervention a try to save your marriage.