Child abandonment leaves scars in children's hearts, and it will affect even after they became adults.
All children should be cared, nature, and protected in this world so that they can be happy and successful on their own term.
One of the famous family therapists, Boszomenyi-Nagy, talked about justice in families. He was born in a Judge's family, and address justice and fairness as a therapist.
He stated that all children should unconditionally receive love, nature, care, security, protection, and discipline, while parents will not and should not expect any returns.
So this is not mutual exchange, while Nagy talked about a mutual exchange in an adult intimate relationship.
There are many parents expecting something for return from their own children. They may be emotional comforts or validation. Some parents may say, "my children do not love me anymore." When this kind of thoughts continue, boundaries between parents and children may be crossed.
Some parents may feel upset and frustrated, and verbally or physically abuse their children. They may call these actions as "discipline" to justify their behavior. Some parents may be so busy in their own life, and simply do not care for their children.
They may start drinking heavily or using drugs, may be often going to parties with friends, or spend more time with their significant other to feel love and try to eliminate loneliness.
This writer met a child who was placed at children's home because her mother's new husband did not like this step child.
Children are left alone, feeding them by themselves as mush as they can, and in many cases, older siblings (they may be three or four) take care of their baby siblings.
In some cases I know, children steel foods from stores to survive. They got so many cavities because of poor nutrition. They are still loyal to their parents and waiting for their love.
If the child abandonment is not correctly treated, after the children enter the adulthood, they may still struggle with the abandonment issues. They may develop unhealthy thoughts, feelings, and behavior in an effort to get love and nature that they could not get. It is called "destructive entitlement."
Child abandonment can be
generational because of the remedy of this tragedy is significant.
Destructive entitlement will continue unless the individuals realize the
impact of childhood abandonment and do somethings about it. It is sad
to see that the ghost of their past is still haunting and control their
But there is a way to gain control back to their life. It is you to decide whether you will allow your past to control your feelings, thoughts, and behavior, or you are the one who control your life.
Would you like to receive counseling to resolve past issues? Click here.
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