NOTICE: St. Cloud office was closed effective June 1st, 2019 due to a move.
Miho Adkins now works at Birch Lake Counseling in Hackensack, MN. Please call at 218-675-5101 to schedule an appointment with Miho. Miho provides online counseling as well.
Four County Crisis Response Team (320-253-5555 or 1800-635-8008) for Stearns, Benton, Sherburne, or Wright Counties.
A question of changing your name after marriage is something you may forget to think about if you are so busy to plan your wedding and dream marriage.
When you apply for a marriage license, you will be asked about what last name you will use. If you are not prepared for the question, it may be a good idea to think about the question, "Do I change my name after marriage?"
Changing your name after marriage may be one of the 100 questions you may want to ask before marriage. You and your partner may want to sit down and talk about it so that both feel comfortable with the conclusion.
This is a way to start practicing marriage communication to avoid marital conflicts in the future.
A long time ago, there was no question or doubt about whether or not the woman would change her name when she entered into a marriage. Changing your name after marriage was out of question. Many people follow the tradition, and most people are totally okay with it.
But it is true that many people attach to their own family name because they have used it for a long time. It is part of your identity. If you change your last name, you may think that part of yourself is gone.
It may be temporally for most people. But it is also true if getting married is a big and serious decision to make, changing your name is also a big decision to make.
There are now a lot of women who are thinking twice about changing their last name and there are even men who are now
taking the last name of the wife.
Things have certainly changed over the past several years. However, it is important to make a decision based on your both logical and emotional judgments, instead of what the trend is.
Go over the facts, think about the positives and the negatives and you will find that the right decision for you will suddenly present yourself and you will be ready to say your vows.
Believe it or not, there are even more options than the ones already touched on.
Sometimes, a couple will combine their last names to create an entirely new last name or they will pick a random last name that they like. Sometimes, a wife will hyphen her last name or
use her maiden name as her middle name.
As you can see, there are a lot of variations to the way name changing can be done, if it is done at all.
Generally, a woman will find it beneficial to leave her maiden name in tact when she has already developed a presence in the professional world. Changing her last name at that point could cause a lot of confusion.
Also, some women simply do not want to let go of her family heritage so the maiden name remains.
Then there are those who will use their maiden name professionally and the new last name socially. This way, she is benefiting in both worlds.
Another thing to consider is how it will affect any future children. Would you be okay if your children had a different
last name than you or your spouse?
Then again, you could each keep your own last names and give the children hyphenated last names. Teaching them how to spell out their entire name might be somewhat of a challenge in their early years though.
If you are still stuck you might want to try a little exercise. When you are signing for things that really don't matter
or when you are introducing yourself to people you will probably never see again, try using the different name options.
Repeat these names options to yourself. Use one name option each week. Practice writing it. After a while, you may notice
that one of those name options will simply feel more comfortable to you than the rest.
Maybe you will change your name to your partner's last name, or keep your maiden name and not change a thing. Then again, you might find yourself creating an entirely new name for yourself.
But please be cautious about this exercise because you may not have enough time to feel comfortable with new name. Remember,
you will use the new name for the next 20, 30, 50, 60 years. Your discomfort may be temporarily. after 20-60 years of using your name, it will become part of your identity and feel comfortable with the name.
Take your time to think about changing your name after marriage. Because, when you apply for a marriage license, they will ask you "What last name will you use after marriage?"
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Your voice makes me tremble inside. And your smile is an invitation for my imagination to go wild. ~ BOAKYE YARQUAH