Anger Control:
How to Control Your Anger

Anger control is not a difficult thing to do, yet requires conscious efforts to realize your anger and to not act on it. 

We've all felt it; that intense feeling of anger that seems to grip us out of the blue.  Many times feelings of anger can frustrate us because although it happens quickly, once the wave of anger has subsided, it can take a long time to feel like you're back to normal.

As you learn how to control your anger, it is important to understand your feelings. Being aware of your emotions is the first step to control your emotions instead of letting your emotions control you.

Although everyone experiences anger, it is not necessary to lash out because of it. Feelings of anger are a completely normal part of life, much like feelings of happiness, love or sadness.

The only reason anger is considered "dangerous" is because when it is left unchecked, it can turn into rage. Anger, resentment, and frustration bread more negative feelings. You will be consumed by these negative emotions, and will not be able to live the life you want. The negative emotions start controlling your life.

How do you know if your anger is out of control? Do you find yourself literally shaking with anger? Do you feel that you can't think rationally and resolve the issue? It is important to remember that it is OK to be angry; however, anger is not a free pass to act however you want to act.

If you want to take back your life, here are 4 ways to control your anger and experience a new way of life.

The 4 Steps of Anger Control 

Admit your anger

It is common for people to try and suppress their anger because they feel embarrassed by it; however, if you ignore your feelings of anger you will be like a ticking time bomb. Instead of pretending that anger doesn't affect you, it is important for you to realize that you are angry and something is triggering you to be so upset. Anger is one of the most primitive emotions we have. We feel angry, when we cannot express our feelings in other ways. The anger we feel is usually stemming from unresolved issues in the past. Instead of ignoring the fact that you have unresolved issues, reconciling your past issues is the first step for you to heal. Once you accept your feelings of anger, you are ready to work on it. Don't ignore your anger.

Leaving the situations

As long as you stay in the situations that make you upset, you will continue to be upset. One of the techniques that you can use is to leave the situation as soon as you find yourself angry. This technique will work because you are no longer exposed to any external stimuli.

One of the reasons why our anger continues to grow is because we continue to be exposed to external stimuli. If you are arguing with your partner, you and your partner continue to expose to each other stimuli by aggressive verbal exchanges.         

The longer you stay in the argument, the nastier the argument gets. You will say things that you will regret later. The worst case scenario, you may do things such as physical aggression toward your partner, that you will regret.

Redirect your anger

Sometimes people find themselves acting on their feelings of anger because they don't have another way to cope and deal with it. Make a list of things you can do to calm down so your anger doesn't spiral out of control. When you feel anger creeping into your life, instead of sitting around thinking about how difficult it is to control your anger, you can refer to your list and be rational and think about the situation that upset you. One of the techniques you can use is positive self-talk. Instead of dwelling on your negative self talks to increase your anger, you can remind yourself by saying that "Here you go! You are again so mad," "Breathe and take a walk," or "You can control this."

Have a trusted person in your life

One of the main reasons people never resolve their problems is because they don't have anyone to help them decipher their feelings of anger.  When you have someone reliable to talk you through tough anger situations, you will be able to refer back to their advice in the future. It is always nice to have support when we are struggling.

Many people have found that when they learn to control their anger, they are able to better control other areas of their lives such as their eating habits or other addiction related habits.

When you feel angry, you have to make a decision that you will not allow your anger to control you. While you may not see the harm of being angry, being under a constant state of stress can raise your blood pressure, put you at risk for heart attacks, and actually shave years off of your life. When you think about it like that, being excessively angry is just not worth the health risk. Anger control will not just save your marriage but also you and your partners' health.

Want to recieve Anger Control/Management Counseling? Click Here.

Go back from Anger Contro to Power of Communication

Go to Book Resources: "The Dance of Anger"

Go to Eight Signs of Dysfunctional Communication Patterns.

Go back to Marriage Counseling Home Page

Phone 320-282-1066



Recent Articles

  1. Reasons for Divorce

    Nov 20, 18 03:45 PM

    Why do people get divorced? Here are the four reasons for divorce.

    Read More

  2. Benefits of Marriage Counseling

    Oct 25, 18 03:26 PM

    Benefits of marriage counseling: What you would gain from marriage counseling

    Read More


    Sep 20, 18 12:15 PM

    Your voice makes me tremble inside. And your smile is an invitation for my imagination to go wild. ~ BOAKYE YARQUAH

    Read More